We have all been there at one point or another. You are on a first date with the woman of your dreams (the kind it takes you a good month just to work up the intestines to ask her out in the first place). You plan an ideal date night, dress in your best clothes, pick her up right on time, but when you sit down to dinner…nothing. Awkward silence. Your dream date starts slipping through your fingers, and nothing you do seems to spark a good conversation.
Conversation topics for couples can be a problem regardless of the stage of the relationship. New couples do not quite know what to talk about. Veteran couples often feel like they have already had all of the conversations. Conversation can be a terrifying prospect for anyone. How do you pick a dinner conversation topic? What differentiates a conversation topic for friends and conversation topics for couples? Understanding these differences in how we communicate can help you to avoid the first date scenario mentioned earlier, allowing you to save face and keep your palms dry.
Arnut Bergenson, a psychological researcher at the Social Interaction Institute of Sweden, has argued that there is a clear functional difference between different kinds of conversation. “When conversations occur between friends and relatives, the goal is clear, and that is the passing of information,” said Bergenson. “The transaction is narrative. For couples, particularly new couples, conversation is interrogative, even though it is not structured as such. Conversation is no longer narrative. It is transactional. Mikhael Bakhtin introduces all of these notions of course. I am merely applying his theories to socio amorous interactions.”
Knowing that couples conversations are designed to be transactions, you can treat them for what they actually are, an elaborate social game. Great topics for conversation should be whimsical, entertaining and low risk. Always remember that fun conversation topics are always appropriate. If you have trouble with this kind of whimsy, use something to aid you while also making you look like a well planned agent of whimsy. For example, there are products on the market called table conversation cards. Essentially, you spread the cards face down on the table, and at pre arranged times during the meal, you flip a card, revealing quirky conversation starters.
Ultimately, it is just important to remember that conversation should not be anything to be afraid of. Find ways to help you be yourself. Otherwise, you will end up playing a role, and that either fails immediately, or fails eventually (when she realizes that the character you are playing is not really who you are). Conversation topics for couples should be light hearted and fun. If you can find a way to make a game out of it, like the aforementioned conversation cards or even variations on childhood favorites like truth or dare, you will soon find that conversation comes far easier than you ever thought it would.